Boozie McBoozerson......

I've never had a problem drinking. Alcohol and I have a long history. We always seemed to get along and we have had countless forgotten memories I'm sure. Constantly asking what the other did the night before. I rarely drink alone. I don't like being hungover. Drinking during the week has never been anything much more than a sorted fling from time to time. I can count on one hand the amount of instances I thought I truly needed to quit drinking. Sure there were always the countless regretful hungover pledges to cease from here to eternity all inebriant potions. But who really sticks to those promises anyway? 

No, this time was different. I think it was a feeling of loss of focus that I never felt before. A feeling of being off track. It all culminated one night with a feeling of completely being off my game I've never felt before. Where I had long gone past the top of the bell curve where amount of alcohol consumed is at the peak of having a kick ass time. I was on the other side, the down-slide, where the continued consumption leads to a deteriorating sense of being yourself and increasing feeling of just being an ass. So the next day I made a promise to myself to make a conscious effort at doing away with drinking for awhile. 

Now, 31 sober days later, I finally feel myself getting back to the determined purpose I lost sight of for a bit this past fall. A feeling at being entirely back in control. Perhaps this is just what was needed. A break, a vacation from that life. I will never correlate the fact that I've been doing very well with a lot of things in my life lately with the fact I have not been drinking. I don't believe lack of one day a week night out with drinks could really have that great of an impact. But I'm sure feeling great and things couldn't be much better personally and in my business.

Now I am not saying I will never have another drink again. I'm only human and I do like to have a good time with a cold beer. I'm not stupid and God willing I will have a long and plentiful life. But, for now, I am enjoying the brief, productive, and head clearing break from my old friend Boozie McBoozerson....


"I don't like jail, they got the wrong kind of bars in there." ~Charles Bukowski

A Reminder....

At times I'm reminded that success isn't obtained by standing from afar, gazing at seemingly insurmountable challenges, but more so by taking them on and definitively kicking their ass........

Pushing Your Limits......

I'm a terrible blogger.... I'm the first to admit it.... I just get distracted easily..... Things come up.... a flood, locusts, Fender ate my blog, it wasn't my fault. However, during the time I don't get to this blog, every photographer in the internets world seems to find a way to tell me I need to be blogging more. Like, HOW do they know I'M NOT? So I guess I'm starting to catch up a bit.

Recently, I have found myself busier then ever. A situation arose that I thought I could share with you. It really isn't a surprise to most people that even when you are at your worst, you are capable of things you may have never thought you could do. You may only feel that way because you have never done them before or have other things going on which is life.

A new client came to me at the end of the summer with some work for their trade magazine. Great! That's something I have never done before. It would be a great experience and the compensation was very appealing. I knew it was going to be a lot of work but hey, that's what I'm in this for.

As the day approached for the first day of shooting I began to feel incredibly overwhelmed. I did do some preparation so I had a basic game plan but having never done anything like it before, I still had my apprehensions. I've studied my ass off with all the information on this type of shooting I could possibly find. But, I began to think, not how can I do this but will I do this well. What could possibly go wrong? Will I have to fight for each shot?

The morning came, myself and my assistant got to the location. Moved all the equipment in. Starting setting up and.... BAM first hurdle..... right out of the box. We didn't have model releases ready to go for every person that was going to be in the day long shoot. My fault. I did have model releases in the game plan but did not know who would be in the shots really and figured we would do that after the shots were taken. Thinking back, that was a stupid idea. So I quickly contacted my client and discussed what we needed in releases. We drew up a release right there and began to shoot. Lesson learned.

I honestly thought this day was going to be an uphill battle all the way. If there is one thing I've learned it's some people hate to have their photo taken. But as we started shooting I found that everyone was really cooperative and very patient. Maybe it was because they knew it was going to be in a magazine. But I think it's because I took the time to introduce myself and explain to them exactly what we were doing. Most people would of just jumped in front and shot away. I believe it's important to form some sort of understanding on a personal level with your subject. Make them feel at ease. That goes a long way towards getting the shots you really want.

This particular day was not all about smiles and nice portraits but standard stock type images. I definitely let my subjects know that and quite surprisingly they got it! Once I took the time to create a one on one connection with them we cruised through the whole day. It's important to develop a type of relationship with who you are shooting. Make sure they know that you are a real person and not just some robot snapping away. It is in some way a sort of seduction in an effort to gain their trust in you to create a nice image of them. Showing them you are human goes a long way.

The second day went ever better. I had put together a quick list that I was able to be more direct with and had each individual shot I needed that could be checked off as I went along. I learned a lot from this, my first major project for a publisher. Be prepared and don't let fear of the unknown prevent you from taking on new challenges in your photography. But more importantly, don't avoid challenging yourself in your personal life either. After all, both are truly who you are and you should fight at each obstacle to further instill your breath for life.

If I can pass on any advice from this opportunity it would be this. Those who fail to push themselves in to things they have never done, or fail to immerse themselves in learning everything they can in what they love to do, will be doomed to mediocrity and frustration. Take it from me, soak up all the knowledge you can from every possible avenue out there. Read, write..... and live your passion.

"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." ~ Taylor Benson

Leaving Empty Space.....

Click For Larger View

I've always been a quiet fan of empty space in photographs. Where the "subject" is just in a small space of the overall image. I say "quiet" because it "goes against the norm" and most people may not like that type of image. But it can really be quite interesting. Jeremy Cowart is a master at these types of images and of course any other type of work he does. I had the opportunity recently to work for a client that wanted shots of their radio tower. I saw this as the opportunity to try out that empty space type shot.

I'm not sure why I never shared the photo. The first time I saw it, for a brief second,  I found myself getting those butterflies as if I was the one attached to the side of that tower. If only for a brief moment, I felt more a part of a photo than I have in a long time. It caught me by surprise. It's surely not award winning but a simple photograph and it just happened to catch my eye. Not everyone will like it this type of look. But I just found it pretty interesting.

Dick Diamond and The Dusters Part 2

Dick Diamond and The Dusters Part 1

The Shot I Missed.......

My friend Jim Karczewski asked me last night if I wanted to go with him to shoot a basketball game. I'm always interested in shooting different things so I jumped at the chance. What I didn't expect is to see such a HUGE crowd at my old high school. I certainly don't remember having seen so many people at a regular season basketball game when I went there. Plus the fact that we were a little late had us(mostly Jim) rushing around to get set up to shoot. I wasn't ready for all those people. But things quickly calmed down as the players took the court. There was quite the turnout at Munster High School from the visiting Valparaiso, Indiana Vikings.

Even if with them they brought the ugliest green tie and jacket I've ever seen.... which was worn, of course, by their coach Joe Otis. I get the school color thing coach, but your jacket seriously burnt my retinas.

As I walked to the far side of the court opposite where Jim was going to shoot I saw a bunch of kids running around behind the bleachers playing tag or something unorganized. Reminded me that some things never change. I ended up sitting in the bleachers at the end of the court. This was the first part of the set up to what would of been probably one of the most dramatic shots I "could" of ever taken.

It never fails, in all the excitement and pagentry I always screw up the first couple of shots. Maybe it's just me, but I always seem to forget something. I contribute that to being rushed. That's one of the reasons I don't like showing up late. However, after a few oopses.... I found my groove. I took enough in the bleachers after moving twice and decided to walk on down to floor level. Right behind the basket. Like a sniper I'd peek out from around the pole and get my shots and move on. I stayed at the basket for sometime. I was about to leave when it happened. Number 23 drove from my left towards the basket and... well, I couldn't see the basket but apparently missed and went crashing to the floor to my right. Play went on until there was finally a whistle. In an instant there began to be shouts to the referee forcibly letting him know that the player that went crashing to the floor was injured more extensively than you might expect.

As I walked closer to the floor I saw his legs and him rolling on the floor. I stepped even closer and began to see more of him. No sound of pain from the player at all, but moaning within the crowd perhaps. I finally moved forward a bit more to look around the end bleachers where he was laying in front of and then I saw what had the crowd moaning. Blood..... lots of it, gushing from his forehead. Pooling on the floor. He had apparently either got an elbow on the way down or just hit his head on the floor but whatever happened, he was cut. Like Rocky cut over the eye cut. Didn't seem to phase him as he was lying there but it certainly was a lot of blood. Pools of blood in different areas around him staining the floor. Reaching the back of his hair even. In that matter of 3 or 4 seconds it hit me.

Do I take that shot? I can still picture the shot frozen like a still photo in my mind. Very clearly. It would of been pretty intense. Like right place at the right time kinda intense. Fleeting moment intense. I knew the kid was going to be just fine, probably a few stitches but still. The amount of blood on the floor alone would of had any mother cringing. I contemplated three times to raise my camera. Even once leaning over in an attempt to "shoot from the hip" without raising the camera to my eye to still get it without anyone seeing me. I looked over at another photographer from a paper sitting right in the path of the player and they didn't shoot either. They were even closer! I lowered my camera and just ended my struggle with the idea whether or not to shoot.

In the end, after they soaked up all the blood and the player was on his feet I decided it was time. I got a shot of him being helped off by long time trainer John Doherty. Damn, can't believe he's still there along with Coach Marsh which I did get a chance to say hi to. Anyway, you're probably asking why I didn't take the shot.

If it had been at any other place, or a college or pro game I would of nailed it. But in that split second I realized, this was someones young son. Someone who was probably in the crowd that night. I was so close that there would be no way of me taking that shot without everyone in that field house seeing me do it. EVERYONE'S eyes were trained in my direction. I'm used to that and not afraid to do what I have to do to get the shots I want. But I'm way too nice and considerate sometimes. This was one of those times. I chose the high road. I tend to do that for most things in my life. My father has told me over and over again to always do the right thing in work and life. In this situation, I think I did. There will be, I'm sure, another "right place at the right time" moment for me. I'm quite sure, in the end, I'll get my shot......

You can see the rest of the shots from the game here: Valparaiso at Munster

Welcome back to ME!

In an effort to create a larger social footprint for my photography business, I've decided to reinstate my blog. This whole search engine optimization business is very time consuming and all the Smugmug forums mentioned blogging. I do hope to cover a lot of photography type stuff. As well as other things that happen along the way.

I've become a huge technology nut over the past year. I have completely fallen in to total Geekdom at this point. However I do really love it. I like hearing all the insider information on what's going on in the tech world. I must watch about 3 tech podcasts a day. Mostly through the TWIT (This week in Tech) http://twit.tv network.

I guess at this point I should mention that hell hath frozen over also. Recently, I finally broke down and bought.... yes, an iPhone 4. I say this because as some of you may know, I've been less than supportive of Apple products. However, it's almost like they've created their own monopoly because most businesses will create apps only for the iPhone. I'll get to the point, I love my iPhone. Camera is great. Bottom line, the iPhone is a perfect pocket pc. A phone? meh, it's ok.

But yes I love the phone. Like I said the camera is awesome. The apps make it fun and instant for sure. Easy to share too.

Alright, that's enough for now......

Just Laugh or move on.....

I think some people take Facebook too seriously. One of my brothers told me he never gets any of my statuses. What's there to get? I've never claimed to be a god, a guru, a prophet, nor a poet. See, to me, Facebook is an outlet for simply entertainment and humor. If you're not laughing throughout your day, you're not living. What's the point? The crazier the message the less serious you should take it. I don't want to be around people who judge or try to analyze everything someone says and try to make it something serious. Loosen up and just try and enjoy life.

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-Victor Borge

Be Kind.....

I'm gonna jump on my soapbox here for a second. I don't think it's right to make fun of those who are perceived to be ugly by society standards. They can't help how they look. Minus being extremely obese, you're given the face you get without choice. But also obesity is a serious medical issue in this country. It will continue to be as long as it's cheaper to eat fast food then to buy a piece of expensive fruit. Fast food chains are only interested in the bottom line and NOT your waste line. They prefer addiction rather than moderation.

Be kind to those less fortunate, each of us has their own cross to bear......

"O, how much more doth beauty beauteous seem
By that sweet ornament which truth doth give!" - William Shakespeare

Pardon?

It's been a long time since someone has spoken those words to me. Sure, I've heard them here and there. However, in that particular sincere context, much time has passed. Until this weekend.....

There's no physics involved with them... no spiritual awakening... no parades... no beam of light... no formal declarations by the state. No, just spoken from one person to another. Incredibly perhaps, never have so few words garnered within them so much power. The magic and the lift of burden produced by them fails in comparison to any other describable sensation.

Yet over time it becomes paramount to constantly have them uttered like some drug addiction that must be satisfied by the human body. Each time maintaining a strength and cohesion of something that can not be completely described in the first place.

Somewhere between the first ever and the forever final utterance of those words is a rollercoaster ride of varying degree of their strength. Too much interference from a constant bombardment of daily activities tend to diminish their effectiveness. Throughout a lifetime however, there are spikes of incidences where saying them jolt you back in to what's truly important. But all the while still meaning the same thing.

Which reminds me of something. What if we had no memory of the last time we've heard that and no matter what, you would recognize and feel the full strength of those words. I was watching this TV show and they were talking about how the brain works. They introduced a man who had NO memory for about more than two hours. I don't recall if he had acquired this condition through an accident or had it all his life. He seemed to have only his short term memory effected. He was married and each day his wife would come home to him from work and he would naturally react to her as if he had not seen her in a decade. He would hug and kiss her and be so affectionate with her. Every single day...... the same reaction for her..... each time she came home.

He was just overjoyed to see her because, to him, it was a lifetime without seeing his wife. Even though, they are happily married and would see each other every day. She would leave for work in the morning and come home to her husband who would be so overjoyed to see her.

I know what you're thinking. That would get old fast for his wife. You're probably right. But instead look at it from his point of view. That warm genuine feeling of seeing someone for the first time in what seems to be an eternity. Showing how you truly miss them and saying the very things that you feel most closely and honestly from your heart. That's when those words mean so much more than at any other time.

So when I heard them this time, it was something from my past I haven't heard in a long time. An overall sense of ease and optimism that things in life that seemed impossible might still be possible.

However, I am currently engrossed in a chapter of my life where I have become quite resistant to any deeper connections that present themselves. A cold and quite guarded stance has blanketed the very thing needed to fully interact with those words. I've erected giant parapet walls entrenched by razor wire to protect it. I've retracted the wooden draw bridge and flooded the moat surrounding this fortified castle known as my heart....

This, of course, doesn't mean I'm not happy... because I am quite happy right now. = ) In fact, I haven't felt happier or healthier at any point in my life than I do right now. The many connections I've recently enjoyed, aid in creating the smile I carry around daily. But for now, unlike the man I spoke about, my recent memory is clear. So for ME to say those words.... would simply.... not be sincere.

"The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one other person."
-Vi Putnam

Reminders Of Things Past...

I was reminded last week that I have a "Crazy Joe Divola". If you've never seen Seinfeld please let me know where you're at so I can come and smack you on top of the head like Benny Hill used to do to the little guy. Which I believe was his actual father in real life. Anyway, I digress. "Crazy Joe Divola" was a character in Seinfeld that always was jealous of Jerry's career and was a bit psychotic. Always on meds and very strange dude. Actually threatened to kill Jerry in an episode.

Some of you may remember I used to run a website(nwilive.com) for local bands and musicians a few years ago. Somewhere along the way, I seemed to piss some people off. You'll have that. That experience brought me a long way towards realizing you can't make everyone happy.

Anyway, towards the end, it just got worse. One guy actually created a cemetery photo with a gravestone with NWiLive on one. He's "Crazy Joe Divola". He also used some of the photos of the live girls. I mean, what possesses someone to do that? I actually thought it was pretty funny though. I just kinda laughed. Believe me, I was glad that part of my life was over anyway.

I don't believe I ever met this guy. I don't believe I ever did anything personally TO him to bring that on. Quite frankly, I don't really care. But I do wonder what drives someone to spend SO much time hating? Such a waste of energy. Life is WAY too short. To be honest, if I met the guy now, I'd shake his hand. I have nothing against him and most issues get defused in person anyway.

I don't concentrate my energy on people I hate. I don't really "hate" anyone anyway. What's in my past is in my past no matter what happened. I see no reason to spend your precious time and energy doing that. It's senseless. That's enough about that.

I was also reminded that throwing the football around WILL make you sore. When's the last time I did that? I mean, I've been pretty good lately about working out but still! I had the opportunity to go to the Notre Dame game last week with my family. I can not even begin to describe how nice that was. I used to go with my dad and family every once in awhile when I was a kid to the games. I miss that. The campus in South Bend is just beautiful. Being there in the fall is just a site to be seen. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather spend a crisp fall Saturday at then there.

My only regret is that my dad couldn't make it. Just before his stroke we had talked about heading out there again some Saturday. Kept putting it off, putting it off. Then Halloween night he had his stroke. Damn. It hurts to even think about it today coming up on two years. I so wish I could go back and change my priorities at the time. We had also talked about going to a Cubs game as well as we used to go to about 6 games a year with a group. How soon we forget after events like my dad's stroke that life is so short and you have to live every day like it's your last. We feel that way for awhile soon after but then, as usual, fall back in to our old ways. Never put things off. It's tough to actually do but is so necessary. Life moves by pretty fast, if you don't stop to enjoy it once in awhile you might just miss it.

Steve

"Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Mi dispiace, ma none possibile per me cosi......

I could change. I could be a different person. I could not care so much about things that matter to me. I could go through everyday just with the memory of a goldfish. I could be someone who takes things less seriously. I could listen to all the opinions of me from so called friends and act the way they want me to. I could go out and party every night and not think twice about responsibilities. I could forget about all things important to my health and not exercise so that I completely let myself go. Be fat, dumb, and happy.

I could force myself to not think of my future and let what happens happen. I could forget about pain and disappointments throughout my life. I could probably learn not to hold grudges and let people walk all over me. I could treat other people with no thoughts of how that would make them feel. I could be cold and never show how I really feel. I could stop keeping things bottled up inside until they tear me up. I could turn off my emotions of anger, sadness, love, joy, disgust, anticipation, and happiness like the flip of a light switch. I could take a path with my photography that would make me become someone I am not.

Some of these things I simply wish I COULD do. Others, I simply choose NOT to. Because, that simply wouldn't be me.

You can judge me, you can try to tear me down, you can try to turn others against me, you can make me out to be the bad guy, you can hate me, you can make me out to be crazy, you can criticize my physical and mental misgivings, you can try to drive me to the brink..... but...

In the end, I'm not going anywhere, because I've been through it all and I'm still standing...... I'm here and all I want is to be happy. That's it, no fighting, no drama, no war of words, no back stabbing, no competition for the worlds attention, and no keeping score. Life is a zero sum game.

However long it lasts, I will always know I've given everything my heart and soul can possible endure. If that's not good enough for some people then so be it. I'm not here for them, I'm here for me. Peace.

Steve

"About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all." -Rita Mae Brown

Get Someone Else To Do It....

It completely amazing me sometimes the things I can do and have done. I mean, I've always been able to do a bunch of different things quite well. Everything in moderation right? Ok, that doesn't make sense, but you know what I mean. Right?

However, I become completely debilitated at the simple thought of putting clothes together to buy to wear to go out just to spill beer on. REALLY! I swear I've stayed home a few times because I have not been able to make a decision on what I can put on my body that won't make me look like a two toothed drunken Scottsman at a soccer game.

I can explain to you how to fly an airplane along with how the aerodynamics of it all happens. I can explain to you how spherical trigonometry works in the Flight Management System of Boeing 767 to get you and your 2 1/2 children to that fun filled vacation at Emptyyourwalletland. But I can't for the life of me pick out a decent pair of jeans to buy from the selection of 30 different types of washes, fits, and snugs. Stone, acid, pumice, or Pre Historic?

And shoes! SHOES? I just went out and bought a new pair of shoes. I said new. I came home, to realize I bought the EXACT same shoes I already had from two years ago! EXACTLY.

How did I miss this gene? The one that allows me to coherently match two pieces of clothing without crawling in to a corner assuming the fetal position. I keep telling myself that I'm a guy and it's ok. But still, just a hint of style? blah.

I've decided to just allow mannequins to dress me. They seem to know what they are doing....

Remember, don't sweat the small stuff and all that Jazz....

Steve

"Do not conceive that fine clothes make fine men, any more than fine feathers make fine birds. A plain, genteel dress is more admired, obtains more credit in the eyes of the judicious and sensible." -George Washington

Humanity is insane......

The story out right now is this guy in Gary who shot his 18 month old daughter then shot himself. How does anyone get to that point? What point does that possibly make? I'm so sick of life being treated with such disdain and carelessness.

You want to feel like the world is out of control. Look at how many DNA test shows are done on Maury Povich. Sometimes, during the day I catch a bit of those shows on my break. It truly makes me think there is something extremely wrong with this world. I often wonder what the percentage of people who want kids watch the show and feel sick to there stomachs that this even has to happen. I know I feel sick....

What's the one thing you will rarely ever see on those shows? A father of the girl that is trying to get a DNA test for her baby. Go ahead, try to find one. Why is that?

One thing I do notice is how everyone is so anxious for their children to grow up these days. The stuff that these kids are wearing today is just absolutely crazy. I'm talking early teens in miniskirts. It's absolutely disgusting. Who lets them out the door like that? Plus all the boys are just trying to be gangster these days.

How does this lead to a guy killing his daughter then shot himself? Who knows. I mean that, who really knows? Maybe this is just something we should not be so surprised at these days? Whether we are who we are by genetics or environment has and will be argued for ages. But, I'm willing to bet that there is someone, just someone out there who is asking themselves... "Where did I go wrong with him?"

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." -Mahatma Gandhi