It's been a long time since someone has spoken those words to me. Sure, I've heard them here and there. However, in that particular sincere context, much time has passed. Until this weekend.....
There's no physics involved with them... no spiritual awakening... no parades... no beam of light... no formal declarations by the state. No, just spoken from one person to another. Incredibly perhaps, never have so few words garnered within them so much power. The magic and the lift of burden produced by them fails in comparison to any other describable sensation.
Yet over time it becomes paramount to constantly have them uttered like some drug addiction that must be satisfied by the human body. Each time maintaining a strength and cohesion of something that can not be completely described in the first place.
Somewhere between the first ever and the forever final utterance of those words is a rollercoaster ride of varying degree of their strength. Too much interference from a constant bombardment of daily activities tend to diminish their effectiveness. Throughout a lifetime however, there are spikes of incidences where saying them jolt you back in to what's truly important. But all the while still meaning the same thing.
Which reminds me of something. What if we had no memory of the last time we've heard that and no matter what, you would recognize and feel the full strength of those words. I was watching this TV show and they were talking about how the brain works. They introduced a man who had NO memory for about more than two hours. I don't recall if he had acquired this condition through an accident or had it all his life. He seemed to have only his short term memory effected. He was married and each day his wife would come home to him from work and he would naturally react to her as if he had not seen her in a decade. He would hug and kiss her and be so affectionate with her. Every single day...... the same reaction for her..... each time she came home.
He was just overjoyed to see her because, to him, it was a lifetime without seeing his wife. Even though, they are happily married and would see each other every day. She would leave for work in the morning and come home to her husband who would be so overjoyed to see her.
I know what you're thinking. That would get old fast for his wife. You're probably right. But instead look at it from his point of view. That warm genuine feeling of seeing someone for the first time in what seems to be an eternity. Showing how you truly miss them and saying the very things that you feel most closely and honestly from your heart. That's when those words mean so much more than at any other time.
So when I heard them this time, it was something from my past I haven't heard in a long time. An overall sense of ease and optimism that things in life that seemed impossible might still be possible.
However, I am currently engrossed in a chapter of my life where I have become quite resistant to any deeper connections that present themselves. A cold and quite guarded stance has blanketed the very thing needed to fully interact with those words. I've erected giant parapet walls entrenched by razor wire to protect it. I've retracted the wooden draw bridge and flooded the moat surrounding this fortified castle known as my heart....
This, of course, doesn't mean I'm not happy... because I am quite happy right now. = ) In fact, I haven't felt happier or healthier at any point in my life than I do right now. The many connections I've recently enjoyed, aid in creating the smile I carry around daily. But for now, unlike the man I spoke about, my recent memory is clear. So for ME to say those words.... would simply.... not be sincere.
"The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one other person."
-Vi Putnam
