Reminders Of Things Past...

I was reminded last week that I have a "Crazy Joe Divola". If you've never seen Seinfeld please let me know where you're at so I can come and smack you on top of the head like Benny Hill used to do to the little guy. Which I believe was his actual father in real life. Anyway, I digress. "Crazy Joe Divola" was a character in Seinfeld that always was jealous of Jerry's career and was a bit psychotic. Always on meds and very strange dude. Actually threatened to kill Jerry in an episode.

Some of you may remember I used to run a website(nwilive.com) for local bands and musicians a few years ago. Somewhere along the way, I seemed to piss some people off. You'll have that. That experience brought me a long way towards realizing you can't make everyone happy.

Anyway, towards the end, it just got worse. One guy actually created a cemetery photo with a gravestone with NWiLive on one. He's "Crazy Joe Divola". He also used some of the photos of the live girls. I mean, what possesses someone to do that? I actually thought it was pretty funny though. I just kinda laughed. Believe me, I was glad that part of my life was over anyway.

I don't believe I ever met this guy. I don't believe I ever did anything personally TO him to bring that on. Quite frankly, I don't really care. But I do wonder what drives someone to spend SO much time hating? Such a waste of energy. Life is WAY too short. To be honest, if I met the guy now, I'd shake his hand. I have nothing against him and most issues get defused in person anyway.

I don't concentrate my energy on people I hate. I don't really "hate" anyone anyway. What's in my past is in my past no matter what happened. I see no reason to spend your precious time and energy doing that. It's senseless. That's enough about that.

I was also reminded that throwing the football around WILL make you sore. When's the last time I did that? I mean, I've been pretty good lately about working out but still! I had the opportunity to go to the Notre Dame game last week with my family. I can not even begin to describe how nice that was. I used to go with my dad and family every once in awhile when I was a kid to the games. I miss that. The campus in South Bend is just beautiful. Being there in the fall is just a site to be seen. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather spend a crisp fall Saturday at then there.

My only regret is that my dad couldn't make it. Just before his stroke we had talked about heading out there again some Saturday. Kept putting it off, putting it off. Then Halloween night he had his stroke. Damn. It hurts to even think about it today coming up on two years. I so wish I could go back and change my priorities at the time. We had also talked about going to a Cubs game as well as we used to go to about 6 games a year with a group. How soon we forget after events like my dad's stroke that life is so short and you have to live every day like it's your last. We feel that way for awhile soon after but then, as usual, fall back in to our old ways. Never put things off. It's tough to actually do but is so necessary. Life moves by pretty fast, if you don't stop to enjoy it once in awhile you might just miss it.

Steve

"Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Mi dispiace, ma none possibile per me cosi......

I could change. I could be a different person. I could not care so much about things that matter to me. I could go through everyday just with the memory of a goldfish. I could be someone who takes things less seriously. I could listen to all the opinions of me from so called friends and act the way they want me to. I could go out and party every night and not think twice about responsibilities. I could forget about all things important to my health and not exercise so that I completely let myself go. Be fat, dumb, and happy.

I could force myself to not think of my future and let what happens happen. I could forget about pain and disappointments throughout my life. I could probably learn not to hold grudges and let people walk all over me. I could treat other people with no thoughts of how that would make them feel. I could be cold and never show how I really feel. I could stop keeping things bottled up inside until they tear me up. I could turn off my emotions of anger, sadness, love, joy, disgust, anticipation, and happiness like the flip of a light switch. I could take a path with my photography that would make me become someone I am not.

Some of these things I simply wish I COULD do. Others, I simply choose NOT to. Because, that simply wouldn't be me.

You can judge me, you can try to tear me down, you can try to turn others against me, you can make me out to be the bad guy, you can hate me, you can make me out to be crazy, you can criticize my physical and mental misgivings, you can try to drive me to the brink..... but...

In the end, I'm not going anywhere, because I've been through it all and I'm still standing...... I'm here and all I want is to be happy. That's it, no fighting, no drama, no war of words, no back stabbing, no competition for the worlds attention, and no keeping score. Life is a zero sum game.

However long it lasts, I will always know I've given everything my heart and soul can possible endure. If that's not good enough for some people then so be it. I'm not here for them, I'm here for me. Peace.

Steve

"About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all." -Rita Mae Brown

Get Someone Else To Do It....

It completely amazing me sometimes the things I can do and have done. I mean, I've always been able to do a bunch of different things quite well. Everything in moderation right? Ok, that doesn't make sense, but you know what I mean. Right?

However, I become completely debilitated at the simple thought of putting clothes together to buy to wear to go out just to spill beer on. REALLY! I swear I've stayed home a few times because I have not been able to make a decision on what I can put on my body that won't make me look like a two toothed drunken Scottsman at a soccer game.

I can explain to you how to fly an airplane along with how the aerodynamics of it all happens. I can explain to you how spherical trigonometry works in the Flight Management System of Boeing 767 to get you and your 2 1/2 children to that fun filled vacation at Emptyyourwalletland. But I can't for the life of me pick out a decent pair of jeans to buy from the selection of 30 different types of washes, fits, and snugs. Stone, acid, pumice, or Pre Historic?

And shoes! SHOES? I just went out and bought a new pair of shoes. I said new. I came home, to realize I bought the EXACT same shoes I already had from two years ago! EXACTLY.

How did I miss this gene? The one that allows me to coherently match two pieces of clothing without crawling in to a corner assuming the fetal position. I keep telling myself that I'm a guy and it's ok. But still, just a hint of style? blah.

I've decided to just allow mannequins to dress me. They seem to know what they are doing....

Remember, don't sweat the small stuff and all that Jazz....

Steve

"Do not conceive that fine clothes make fine men, any more than fine feathers make fine birds. A plain, genteel dress is more admired, obtains more credit in the eyes of the judicious and sensible." -George Washington

Humanity is insane......

The story out right now is this guy in Gary who shot his 18 month old daughter then shot himself. How does anyone get to that point? What point does that possibly make? I'm so sick of life being treated with such disdain and carelessness.

You want to feel like the world is out of control. Look at how many DNA test shows are done on Maury Povich. Sometimes, during the day I catch a bit of those shows on my break. It truly makes me think there is something extremely wrong with this world. I often wonder what the percentage of people who want kids watch the show and feel sick to there stomachs that this even has to happen. I know I feel sick....

What's the one thing you will rarely ever see on those shows? A father of the girl that is trying to get a DNA test for her baby. Go ahead, try to find one. Why is that?

One thing I do notice is how everyone is so anxious for their children to grow up these days. The stuff that these kids are wearing today is just absolutely crazy. I'm talking early teens in miniskirts. It's absolutely disgusting. Who lets them out the door like that? Plus all the boys are just trying to be gangster these days.

How does this lead to a guy killing his daughter then shot himself? Who knows. I mean that, who really knows? Maybe this is just something we should not be so surprised at these days? Whether we are who we are by genetics or environment has and will be argued for ages. But, I'm willing to bet that there is someone, just someone out there who is asking themselves... "Where did I go wrong with him?"

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." -Mahatma Gandhi

Nothing can end if it never started.....

I'm of course talking about summer. I can sit here and bitch about how bad the weather was this summer but I'm not going to. Well, maybe for a second. I mean COME ON!?!? After a long winter, I had high hopes for a great summer. Nice, consistent weather that I could get out and shoot in. That didn't happen until like the first week in July. JULY! So no, I really don't think we had a summer. Let's move on to what I did.

To say I had big plans was an understatement. Of course, most of what I had plans for was to shoot outside. I was scheduling left and right just to get the ball rolling. If it wasn't for the clients being not able to make it, the weather would step up on the day of the scheduled shoot and crap on my parade. After scheduling so many times in June I became discouraged and quiet disappointed.

I did do a promo shoot for History's End in early June. It was great because not only did I get to try something new I got a good profile photo of myself as a bonus. I knew I'd have to try the whole green screen process and decided to test out the lighting effect they were after ahead of time. So I simply used myself. It turned out quite well. I was pretty pleased at how it turned out and I learned a few things. Always try something new out before you go and do it for someone who's paying you. lol I had to unfortunately sit on those History's End photos until later in the summer. I wanted to put them up so bad because I was happy the way they turned out. But there was a good reason not to that I agreed with.

I also did a gig for a benefit for a friend who was senselessly taken away from us this past spring. That made me

feel good. That was right at the end of June. I got to see a lot of old friends I had not seen in a very long time. It was just too bad that we had to see each other in those conditions. I must say, it was one of the most well supported and planned benefits I have ever seen in my life. The turnout was unbelievable and is a testament to the impression Jason left with everyone.

The night before that benefit I shot History's End for the first time in awhile. Mark was retiring from the band and had asked me to come out so I did. That was fun, AND TOUGH! Go figure, that night, and most nights at St. Tom's it seems, would bring a thunderstorm. Which as soon as it hit sent EVERYONE inside the tent. Good for the band, tough for me. I think the biggest disappointment of the night was the use of the wide angle lens I had rented. Just never quite gave me what I wanted. I did get a great shot of one of the rides though. The end of the night was probably more fun than that ride though... lol

I did get out to take some slow shutter photos at night while I had that lens. I've always wanted to do that, and it seemed like a perfect opportunity to try it out. I kept telling myself to just get out and shoot it. Seemed strange going out at night to be out in the open with a tripod but that's what I needed to do. First I had thought about going on the railroad tracks above US30 in Schererville. I've always looked at that as being a perfect spot because of the all the traffic merging underneath the bridge. But, after driving around looking for a place to park and peering down a PITCH black track walk. I passed. Headed to the Home Depot bridge and got some decent shots of cars flying by me. I tried not to think about all the drunks out heading south from Jalapeno's as I've done many times myself. Just leaned the camera as far as I could in to the oncoming traffic constantly picturing in my head a car tagging the first expensive lens I've ever rented and shooting it down the road in a shattered mess. Screw it, I paid for the insurance..... oh yeah, um, the focusing motor must of exploded.... what tire tracks? lol

I timed the rental period so that I would still have the lens during the 4th of July weekend. So my decision was to go to Munster's Fireworks. WHAT A MISTAKE. I know it was their first time a

t the new park but come on. The traffic was a complete nightmare leaving. I got there early and got a good spot with my tripod and of course, didn't bring a sweatshirt. 4th of July? It's summer right? nope. Froze my ass off. AND to top it off, the fireworks were late. I mean, the orchestra took like a half hour break? No one has a stop watch??? I did get some pretty cool shots I was very happy with. I pretty much just kept hitting the shutter release constantly and really didn't get to actually relax and see the show. I was constantly changing settings figuring the more I get the better chance I have of getting a great shot. Learned a few things that night. But the worst was of course the time leaving. I was stuck in a parking lot for like 25 minutes not moving at all. Was it worth it? Meh, maybe for the shots I got.

Speaking of 4th of July. It was nice to celebrate the actual 4th of July at my friends Steve and Tara's house. They had a great group of people and I had a blast. Of course it rained but it eventually cleared up. I drank WAY too much and danced WAY too much. It was right after MJ died and that's all I remember hearing. Say what you will, but the guy was a talented song writer. Woke up in the morning at their house, not even knowing where I was. Plus, come outside to find my car covered in exploded shell fragments. Which, I of course, found absolutely hilarious. lol

Went down to the beach at a banquet facility that has some interesting architectural feel to it. My technical skills were definitely rusty. But all and all it went ok. The only thing that was such a pain were the SWARMS of mosquitoes. However, I did finally get to use my new battery system for my large moon unit for the ring flash. It worked quite well for the shoot.... and unfortunately at attracting the mosquitoes as well. lol

I also got to shoot Mark Smith's last show with Historys End. What a wild night that was. Filled with memories and blasts from the past. Sad, but probably one of the best parties and best performances of the band ever. Everything just went so well. I believe I took over 800 photos! That is definitely a record for me. Took me a long time to go through them but I was very pleased with how they turned out. The crowd was absolutely enormous and crazy. It was difficult to get through them but I managed with throwing a few key elbows. It was VERY hot, so I anticipated this issue of dehydration by drinking about 6 beers in the hour prior to the band starting. Oh don't give me that "alchohol dehydrates you stupid". Just laugh. lol

Somewhere along the way I finally got Fender's pass to the Munster Centenniel Dog Park. It's really cool and quite large. I think 3 acres? They have little doggie water fountains for them and everything. Fender for the most part is pretty good there. There is an issue with him catching up with some smaller dogs and then wanting to play with them a little too rough. But I'm trying to get him to stop that. It may just take some time to get used to all the other dogs. He is always friendly with the people around but he just doesn't know when to stop with his buddies sometimes.

Just recently I finally got back up in the air. It was such a good feeling. Brought a lot of memories back. I did quite well considering it had been 5 years since I had last flown. Landing was pretty good actually. It was also nice to see a few familiar faces around the airport. That's what flying is all about. The stories from the old timers, the smell of 100LL, and the tales of what everyone did that almost killed themselves once... lol Unfortunately, the day was pretty hazy when I went up. But I did't care. It felt so good to be at the controls again. It really did feel like riding a bike. Things you do early on in life over and over again get ingrained in to you. It becomes who you are. It becomes natural. I am looking forward to flying more often. = )

Finally, I did get a chance to see my friends from Chicago. It turned out to be a great night. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Long day, didn't plan on staying there for the party at night but ended up staying for it anyway. I'm glad I did. = ) It's strange to think that at those times when you're with friends you have known for a long time you can completely feel like yourself. Most people never see that side of me. I'm not sure why, but it doesn't always come out.

So that is pretty much my whole summer. I really thought I didn't do anything. But I guess I did. I learned a few things which isn't always bad. Got back in to flying. Saw some old friends. Worked WAY too much. But all in all, probably not that bad of a summer after all. I look forward to the fall now and all that it will bring. Bring on college football. I have to admit, fall is kinda nice temperature wise. So that's it. Yes, this particular blog was WAY too long. But I kind of had a lot of catching up to do. I have felt like blogging more often and maybe I will. So I hope to see some of you real soon again. = )

Remember, don't sweat the small stuff and all that jazz.....

Steve

“It is a sign that your reputation is small and sinking; if your own tongue must praise you” -Matthew Hale

OK SO, I promise to *sigh* "design" this blog a little better at some point. Also, I will try actually blogging! lol I just started this and right now it's just receiving my pings. In trying to enlarge my digital footprint I've also tried to make it easier for me to handle everything with one fell swoop.... in comes ping.fm Not a bad site if you don't mind handing all of your usernames and passwords to your life.... lol that's unusual for me to do.... I'm not a very trusting person.... People have to earn it... been taken advantage of too many times... and not in a good way! lol

I must say, my "long weekend" I had this spring away from all social nets was very liberating. I deleted my myspace and facebook. I never felt more free. But, I knew it couldn't last. And it's also where most of my business comes from. Anyhoo, so I'm tryin to get back out there while maintaining somewhat of a social life this summer. I've met some knew peeps that are pretty cool already.... things are going well... = )

Steve-O